When Your Child Needs an Advocate, But No One Teaches You How

I am writing this because of some things our family has had to learn—and is still learning—about Special Education Services in our schools.

Navigating special education can be incredibly difficult. There is no class that parents are required to take. There isn't necessarily someone assigned to sit down with you and explain how the process works, what all of the acronyms mean, what questions you should be asking, or how to advocate effectively for your child.

Most parents go into this process assuming that the people working with their child are on the same team.

We assume that everyone has our child's best interests at heart. We assume that if something is written into an IEP or 504 plan, it will be followed. We assume that if there is a problem, someone will recognize it and address it.

Unfortunately, we have learned that it doesn't always work that way.

There are so many acronyms, procedures, and specific terms used in special education that parents are simply expected to understand. Words like ARD, IEP, 504, accommodations, modifications, KID meetings, and countless others can become overwhelming when no one actually explains what they mean or, more importantly, how they affect your child.

And that makes me wonder:

How many children are receiving special education services or accommodations but don't have someone advocating for them?

How many students are supposed to be receiving accommodations but aren't?

How many parents don't know that something isn't being done correctly because they don't know what their child is actually entitled to?

How many parents don't know what questions to ask?

And how many parents simply don't want to "cause waves"?

That last question really bothers me.

I understand it. I really do.

It can be uncomfortable to continually question the school. It can feel like you're being difficult. You don't want teachers or administrators to think you're a problem parent. You don't want your child to be treated differently because you spoke up.

But at some point, you have to ask yourself:

If I don't advocate for my child, who will?

We recently had another ARD meeting

Our daughter has now been in school for three years, and we have continued to struggle with several different issues related to her education and accommodations.

We are tired of having to repeat ourselves.

We are tired of explaining the same things over and over again.

And we are tired of having conversations about accommodations that are already supposed to be documented in her IEP/504 paperwork.

During our most recent ARD meeting, we were surprised when the special education director essentially turned the conversation toward us as parents and questioned why we believed we shouldn't have to email teachers to address these issues.

To be clear, we have absolutely no problem emailing teachers or advocating for our daughter.

We will make phone calls. We will send emails. We will attend meetings. We will ask questions. We will follow up.

That's what parents do.

The issue is not whether we are willing to advocate.

The issue is that we shouldn't have to continually remind individual teachers to provide accommodations that are already documented in our daughter's educational plan.

If an accommodation is required, shouldn't the system be designed so that the accommodation follows the student?

Shouldn't the teachers who work with that student know what accommodations are required?

Shouldn't there be some level of accountability to make sure those accommodations are actually being provided?

Those are the questions we are struggling with.

We finally asked someone to join us

One of the biggest things we have learned through all of this is that you don't have to do it alone.

We were fortunate enough to have a family member join our most recent ARD meeting.

She knew the right terminology. She knew what questions to ask. She knew what wording needed to be used. She knew what needed to be documented.

And she is now helping us with our daughter's advocacy.

Honestly, I regret not doing this sooner.

We owe her a tremendous amount of gratitude for stepping in and helping us understand the process better. She has helped us identify changes that need to be made and, perhaps just as importantly, helped us make sure those changes are worded correctly so there is less room for misunderstanding.

It has also made me realize something:

Being a good parent advocate doesn't necessarily mean knowing everything.

It means being willing to learn.

It means asking questions.

It means admitting when you don't understand something.

It means bringing someone with you who does understand when you need help.

And it means continuing to speak up when something isn't right.

What if I don't know enough to advocate for someone else?

This is something I struggle with personally.

I have spent years advocating for my daughter. I have learned about her rights, accommodations, meetings, procedures, and the challenges that come with navigating the school system.

And yet, there are still times when I feel completely inadequate.

If I can struggle to understand the system while advocating for my own child, how could I possibly advocate for someone else's child?

That thought has really stayed with me.

Because I know there are children out there who don't have a parent or guardian who knows how to push back.

There are parents who may not have the time.

Parents who may not understand the terminology.

Parents who may be intimidated by a room full of school administrators and professionals.

Parents who may simply trust that everything is being handled correctly.

And there are children who depend on those adults to make sure their needs are being met.

That is what makes all of this so important to me.

I don't have all the answers. I don't know every rule. I don't know every right that a student has.

But I'm learning.

And maybe sharing what we are learning along the way can help another parent ask a question they didn't know they needed to ask.

Maybe it can help another parent realize that they are allowed to speak up.

Maybe it can help another parent understand that they don't have to know everything before they start advocating.

One thing we recently learned about Levelland ISD

There is also a very specific distinction we learned during this process that I think other parents in Levelland ISD may find helpful.

If you want a meeting where all of your child's teachers are present, the meeting you are looking for is called a KID meeting, rather than an ARD meeting.

This distinction is something we did not understand previously, and it contributed to a disconnect between what we, as parents, expected from a meeting and what the school was actually providing.

Had we known this earlier, we may have approached some of these conversations very differently.

And that's really the point of sharing this.

We shouldn't have to learn everything through trial and error.

Parents shouldn't have to become experts in special education simply because their child needs accommodations.

But until the system becomes easier for parents to understand, we have to learn how to navigate it.

And we have to be willing to ask questions.

We have to be willing to speak up.

We have to be willing to say, "I don't understand that. Can you explain it?"

We have to be willing to bring someone with us when we need help.

Most importantly, we have to remember that advocating for our children isn't "causing waves."

It's parenting.

And if speaking up makes the process uncomfortable, then maybe the discomfort shouldn't automatically belong to the parent who is asking for their child's needs to be met.

Maybe the system should be uncomfortable enough to make sure those needs are actually being met in the first place.

I'm still learning.

I'm still making mistakes.

I'm still figuring out which questions I should have asked sooner.

But I also know that every time I learn something, I have an opportunity to share it with another parent.

And maybe that is where advocacy begins.